Your inner dialogue is how you hear your thoughts.
I want you to start observing this process.
What do you hear/experience in words in your head?
What is your attitude in words to yourself in your head?
Is there any attitude at all? Is there dialogue or do you only hear one-sided criticism/ commands/ analysis/ assignments?
Try to observe this process and describe it for yourself in at least a few sentences.
Now it's time to see if you like it.
If your parents/friends/partner speak to you the way your inner dialogue flows, would you be happy?
Moreover - if there is no dialogue - would you be happy if your partner doesn’t communicate with you? If he is constantly busy with his tasks or constantly gives you only tasks/ commands/ criticism?
I want you to compare the way you talk to yourself in your thoughts with the way your partner/relatives talk to you.
Are there similarities?
Most likely, you are already discovering similarities between the way you communicate with yourself and the way others communicate with you. In the RELATIONSHIPS journey we go trough experiences where you can experience this similarity in details.
If you had critical parents, it is very likely that you started criticising yourself.
If you criticise yourself, your partner or the people around you will do the same with you.
If you blame yourself with words in your head - your partner and the people around you will do the same with you.
If you suppress/underestimate yourself with words in your head - your partner and the people around you will do the same with you.
Etc. - whatever you say to yourself - the world around you will say the same to you.
The first most important thing is to become conscious of this process by observing yourself and to determine the specific patterns in it.
Example: - I 6 myself and the others criticise me too. This makes me feel - sad/ angry/ offended/ insecure etc.
WHAT CAN I DO?
To change my inner dialogue.
To start talking to myself in my thoughts the way I would like my partner/relatives to talk to me.
For example, if until now it has only been criticism - I need to start converting it into a friendlier form of DIALOGUE. Dialogue - mutual and two-way - not just one endless, pouring criticism.
Of course the ultimate goal would be an inner dialogue of support, love, compliments.
But - especially if the criticism has been going on for many years - this cannot be done immediately. So we will do it in stages.
First, we must become aware of the criticism. And when it comes automatically to your mind - stop for a moment and say to yourself. "Hey, I don't want to hurt myself anymore. Come on my dear … (your name) let's see how we can handle this situation TOGETHER "
To change the attitude.
Don't pretend if you don't like something or try to repeat affirmations that you don't yet believe and that will sound like lies to you.
Instead, partner with yourself.
Say to yourself "Ohhhhhh... (your name) how did we get here. It's not nice situation/ place to be, but let's see how we'll deal with this situation TOGETHER”.
Or if you often pass by the mirror and automatically think about what's wrong. For example - "oh my hair is terrible". You say to yourself “ since it's so terrible, why don't you fix it. It's not enough that you don't give me 5 minutes, but now you are even making me sad with these words. Come on my dear ... (your name) if we don't like it, we roll up our sleeves and change it TOGETHER”.
It's about becoming a partner to yourself - not telling yourself that everything is fine, but being there for yourself no matter what. For better or worse. Both in sickness and in health - just to be there for you and support yourself. To hold your own hand and get out of any unpleasant situation. At least try. And when it's happiness - again to celebrate, to give yourself the necessary recognition and compliments. To notice and put it into words.
Thus, love in words will lead you to love in action and to love in time and attention, to love in touch and love in gestures. They are always connected.
A few practical, specific examples.
You often hear in your head -“ you're good for nothing” or “look how stupid you are”. Say to yourself - "why are you insulting me now, do you know how much it hurts me. Instead of insulting me, can't you give me some time and patiently support me in this situation. And most importantly, can't you love me as I am? And when I'm wrong, can't you still love me? Even when I'm wrong…that's when I need you the most. Can't you love me the most then? This is exactly the support I need. "
Be kind to yourself. Look at the pain you're causing yourself. Mirror her in how much it hurts you when others say the same things to you or treat you like that. Why do you do it too? "Am I not nice to you, why are you so aggressive with me? Let's take it easy. Please love me and tell me that you do. That's all I want. At least you, at least I myself to give myself this love that I long for so much. "
If there is no reference/attitude to yourself in your head at all. Everything is only reactions to what is happening around you, analyses or specific tasks and commands. It is very likely that you constantly long for someone to say something nice to you, to turn to you, to notice you, at least to talk to you - not to constantly command you around. It is also very likely that you attract people into your life who constantly tell you what to do or do not have any kind and loving attitude towards you. Who are always busy or just thinking about how to get something done. Thus you will also experience through your relationships with others the same - your own pain from the lack of any kind treatment/attitude towards yourself.
To rework this model - we must at least start somewhere to include YOU - your own PRESENCE into your own inner world and dialogue.
How to build attitude towards myself in my inner world? For example, instead of just pouring out analyses and tasks one after the other - to become: "My dear ... (your name) I think that if we do this and that it will be the best for us in this situation. Forgive me for always giving task after task, but this is my way of doing things for you. This is my way of loving you by providing for you by doing things for us. I want you to know that I love you. "
Or just ask yourself - what exactly would I like to hear from my partner or from my friends - and tell yourself the exact same thing. What you want to hear from them - 1:1, start saying it to yourself.
If you feel like no one notices what you're doing. No one responds to your care for everyone. You non-stop clean, cook, take care of and please everyone, and no one even says THANK YOU. Then it's time for you to introduce recognition and gratitude into your inner dialogue. How? Every time you do something, you consciously stop and tell yourself what you would like to hear from the others. You can even make alarm 10 times in the day to do so.
For example: you finish cooking - you look at the dinner - you stop and consciously say to yourself. Thank you for taking the time today. Or whatever you want to hear. "Your golden hands. There is no other like you" ❤️
Or you have completed your tasks at work. But your boss or your colleagues never notice and never praise you. You stop and consciously say to yourself - "Well done. You are so hardworking and dedicated. My sincere compliments"
Or “Great job! I truly admire you".
Or when it's hard for you to cope with something, or you're worried about something. You consciously stop and give yourself the support in words that you would like to receive from others. "Hey beautiful, you'll be fine. I believe in you and I am here for you" "No matter what happens I will always be here by your side, I will hold your hand ( and you truly hold it in that moment), I will look at your beautiful eyes and I will always believe in you". Tell yourself what you sincerely want to hear. Or at least start with something nice.
This is a way to start changing your inner dialogue. Remember this is a process - give yourself time to make it happen.
At first you can move from criticism to silence, and then in the silence you can begin to build nice attitude. Then you might even go so far as to use all your creativity and poetics to show your love, support and motivation in words. This is a road. Simply - choose to walk it for yourself and don't give up ❤️
Comments